A Fan Letter to the Atlantic Ocean

Dear Mr. (or Ms.) Ocean

They say the world is getting smaller.  Perhaps the distance between LA and Calais is shrinking every day, and we here in NJ are the center of a sandwich whose payload grows ever thinner.  But your puissant waters are our protection, and so far they've been doing a great job, may they forever remain incompressible! 

It seems that over there, on your Eastern side, they've been busy.  Too busy.  I just read a story about some people going around in a van looking at road signs.  It seems that in Germany some towns have too many of them.  Stupid ones, like "no cars" in front of roads where there's barely room for a pedestrian.  The van people's job was to assess the value of each sign and have the useless and confusing ones removed.  When they were done, they had selected quite a few for removal, noted that some needed cleaning, and found that some were "partially hidden by trees and bushes."  No problem over there in Germany!  "The officials made plans to alert the local Ordnungsamt, or Department of Order, to instruct residents to trim their foliage."

I know your concerns lie far beyond those of mortal men.  We occasionally tickle you by swimming in your extremities, and you occasionally mock us by playing with the ships and submarines we have the temerity to use to explore you.  I guess I can't expect you to assume this mission with any zeal or exclusivity, but even so you've been doing a great job and I hope you'll continue to do so.  That mission is simply this:  If anyone from Germany wants to pass over your great expanse with the idea of promoting the idea of starting an Ordnungsamt in the United States, demonstrate to him your fishes.

Thanks, Dude!  (Or Dudess!)  We love you!

Very, very respectfully indeed,

Richard

NP:  "I Believe" - Robert Plant

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