02 Nov. 2006
SETI League
PriUPS Project

How to Bananafy The Bun

I was reading an article that explained how you could find out how to do things.  No, I didn't read it in Redundant Times, it was a genuine article explaining web resources, and one of them was the "wikiHow."  This is similar to the essential Wikipedia, but it has innumerable articles about performing various tasks, some modestly complicated, others almost beyond imagination.  After checking out the site, I realized that a complete re-write of my blogitem about making tea with lemon would make it eligible for entry.  The problem with this is that it would require a complete re-write of my blogitem, and they already have articles on making tea.  Accordingly, I selected a different topic.  If this comes out well, perhaps I'll submit it to the wikiHow.


1. Locate the fruit bowl and select a #2 banana.
2. Initially place the #2 banana on a flat surface in preparation for "peeling."  A kitchen counter can be used for this purpose.
3. Begin the "peeling" process by gripping the banana in one manipulative appendage and the stem portion with another.  Try to exert force immediately adjacent to the stem entry point, as this will often allow a clean separation.
4. Once the peeling process has been initiated, it will be easier to remove the remainder of the peel.  Depending on the number of candidate consumers, the peel can be retracted by an inch or so for a single bun or fully retracted if concomitant human consumption is intended.
5. Break off a suitable aliquot for the bun.  There is no precise formula for this operation, but I have found that 1 to 2 inches seem appropriate.
6. Walk along the floor to the bunny barn.  Be sure to fetch the selected banana fraction with you!
7. Place banana fraction in reach of bun.
8. Observe as bun consumes banana.
9. Bun is now prepared for day's activities of chewing magazines.


  • It is possible to use a #1 banana or even a #3 banana if a #2 is unavailable.  The length of the banana fraction given to the bun can be modified so that the quantity of banana substance doesn't vary significantly.
  • Bananas can go defective or, in rare cases, may require a delay in consumption.  Be sure the banana is neither over- nor under- "ripe."


  • Bananas are relatively rich in the element potassium, one of whose isotopes is radioactive.  If your bun glows in the dark for no apparent reason, you may be committing overbananafication and need to skip a few days.
  • If the banana is defective and the bun is showing signs of distress after consumption, take her to the hopital as soon as possible.
Richard Factor

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