Scallop Fraud

Just a few weeks ago I had some yummy scallops.  They were decanted from a box purchased at BJ's, a large "warehouse store" that styles itself a "wholesale club."  They were so good that I replaced the box myself, performing an uncharacteristic act of shopping just to do so.  This evening the replenishments were going to be turned into food.

It didn't work.  "Lightly Breaded" turned into lightly-scallop-filled breading.  Not to mention greasy and nasty.  I was disappointed and plan to return the boxtop and a copy of this photo to the store for a refund, or perhaps for replacement by a different brand.

If any of you lawyers out there know the penal code section for "2nd degree scallop fraud," please let me know so I can recite it if necessary.  (First degree would be solid breading and no scallops at all, I think.)  And a hearty "Harumph" to "Fishery Products International," the perpetrator.

This was not an experiment performed for scientific purposes, but rather a not-unusual manifestation of sloth:  The remanent breadings-with-vestigial-scallops were left out overnight. While I do not consider cat behavior dispositive, I would like it noted that neither the quantity nor geometric arrangement of the well-protected fish morsels had been disturbed by morning.  When the cry "Garbage Day" rang out, they were present and compliant.

NP:  "When In Rome" - Phil Ochs

Follow-up 12 December 2006

I stopped into BJ's to get a refund or some scallops of a different brand.  Do I ever need to have my consumer consciousness raised!   I went to the customer service desk with the box top and a copy of this blogitem.  Tara, the manager, asked me if I had the scallops.  Incredulous, I reported that even the cats didn't want them, so I threw them out.  She asserted that they are happy to take returns, but you actually have to return items.  Even (alleged) food.  Even if it's cooked.  I must have an honest face.  After having made her point, she gave me a gift card for the price of the scallops.  I looked for a different brand but, finding none, I settled for a box of salmons stuffed with spinach and cheese.  Perhaps I'll have another report soon.

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