I Hardly Even Know You!
Recently I was inspired* to buy a new pair of sneakers.
Unlike socks, which are almost free and which I
purchased in abundance some
time ago, my theory of sneakers is different. Sneakers are
expensive and last a long time. Because I rarely wear them
indoors, I typically get several years of use from each pair.
Because I am fashion-impaired and largely oblivious to appearance below
the T-shirt level, my sneaker replacement algorithm is essentially this:
Occasionally (accidentally) step in a puddle of
Evaluate whether the interior sock is wet
If so, get new sneakers before winter sets in.
I recognize that if everyone had the same lackadaisical
attitude towards remaining shod that I do, the footwear merger frenzy that
would result would make the current financial crisis appear about as
significant as the rest of this blogitem.
The Rest of This Blogitem
This acquisition is the first pair of sneakers I have bought
since I started this blog over two years ago. When I attempted to put
one on a foot, I was reminded of an irritation so trivial that I have never
commented on it, despite my demonstrated tendency and ability to whine about
the most stupid things imaginable. (Of course I'd never admit that.)
The irritation? Tissue in the toes. What conceivable
reason is there to wad up a piece of tissue paper (from a dead tree, via
chemical and mechanical processing) and stuff it into the distal end of a
sneaker, from which it must be removed with slight difficulty before use?
The Four Wasted Wads
Not the name of a sixties a cappella druggie rock group, but
rather the tissue paper found stuffed in a pair of sneakers I
recently purchased. What is their purpose? To
prevent crushing? Surely the sneakers are stronger than
the paper! For appearance? No, they're invisible,
and only noticed when one attempts to co-locate a foot.
It's sheer waste. As I've mentioned previously, I hate
And don't get me started on the sheet of paper used to
separate the two sneakers! Yes, I know there's a "left" and a
"right" sneaker, but they're both made of ordinary matter. If the left
sneaker were antimatter, for example, it would be a good thing to keep them
apart, but a flimsy sheet of paper wouldn't exactly be the thing to use.
*By "inspired" I actually mean "threatened." Other
people are more fashion-sensitive than I, and occasionally my logical
algorithm is overridden by the need to avoid being physically damaged by
the rare individual willing to be seen with me in public.
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||Please buy this lovely blue
(The Mitsubishi has been sold, and the buyer (from South
Dakota!) has it safely home.)
NP: "Anything" -
The Wasted Wads The Vejtables